As His Tears Fell, and so did Mine

“I now pronounce you man and wife...”

                As his tears fell...

---

12 midnight. It was under  the glare of moonlight when my fairy tale started, when our tragic once upon a time began.

If everything was destined, if everyone has their best love stories to share, does this mean every fantasy will have their happy ending?

Life has its twists. Love has its thorns. Dreams have their endings. Everything has its ironies.

I was 16 years old when I met him. He’s not really my typical type of guy, not what I’m looking for. He didn't even met my standards and his style is not just my taste. I don’t hate him and I don’t like him either so why focus my attention on this guy anyway? Well maybe because he was the worst seatmate anyone could have. Although I can’t deny that he has good lucks but he was a noisy, attention-seeking, intolerable creature ever existed on earth. I never even bothered talking to him and mingling with him was never my option. So it was my daily routine to pretend that I don’t have a seatmate. Thank God, I’m doing good at it.              

But in a blink of an eye, the world revolved inversely. All my apprehension against him magically transformed into a bewitchment that bounded my heart to be incorrigibly attached to him.        

      

It was a rainy afternoon. It was almost 6 PM and the clouds were turning themselves into an even darker velvet blanket. I have no choice but to let the raindrops soak me. I was in a hurry so I have to run with all the thesis papers in my hands. Unluckiness pushed me as I slipped on the stairs and I can’t do anything but watch all the papers one by one getting wet. I was so depressed that I went home crying, taking each step heavily. All of a sudden, the rain stopped but only on my area. Wondering, I slowly turned my head to see what’s the bewilderment about. My eyes caught a familiar figure beside me holding an umbrella. Yes, it was my one and only disgusting seatmate. I nod slowly to see his face because it was really the first time seeing him this close, laying my eyes unto his. I felt strange. I can’t even figure out where this peculiarity coming from. It was like reading his soul from a pictograph of memories and staring deeply into his sweet, sorrowful eyes makes oblivion a step closer to my mind. Everything was in slow motion and here I am, getting lost in his eyes.

“BEEPPP! BEEPPP!”

Yeah! How could I forget that we were in the middle of the road? Thanks to the horn, it interrupted me. And at last, I managed to talk to him expressing my gratitude. He hadn't said anything and instead gave a smile as a reply. I just waved at him as the jeepney's engine started to heat up. Astonishment paralyzed me the whole night recalling what just happened to that weird yet invigorating encounter. That whole savior thing.

The following day, I just don’t know if our destinies are meant to collide because of all the people walking in the vicinity, I ended up bumping on him. This time, I’m glad because looking in his eyes wasn't as strangely enchanting like the first time but feeling his heartbeat next to mine is another eccentric page I’m starting to sketch. With his intense stare, I felt like more of a melting candle than a human. Everything seemed to be working towards a singular pivotal moment in my life.

My attention was then diverted to the books that are landing before the floor. Two minutes to 4:30 PM. I’ll be coming in late again to my English subject if I won’t pick up my stuff in the fastest way possible. And yes, for the existence of the word “gentleman”, he helped me. Saving every second, I was shouting my thanks to him while running. The moment I reached my seat, the scenario I had minutes ago came clashing my mind.

“Why is this so?” my constant question. Is it already symptoms of him? Never. Ridiculous. Impossible. I always find myself hammering into the lobes of my brain how horrible my fairy tale would turn out if he will be the prince. But I can’t deny that lately, everything has always been about him and I gradually fight to kill him inside my mind, inside my heart,  inside of me. Thanks to cupid, this fight will just sink to the drain since we will spent our time together working on this “scientific activity”. It was awkward and I’m really uncomfortable but beyond all of these though, I could feel that there was something really special about him.

Day by day, as we interact with each other, we became closer and our friendship become deeper. He’s far too different from what I think he is. I felt so sorry for being judgmental before because underneath his cosmic behavior, there’s so much inside of him—he’s all gold. Intricate as it may seem, the words “soul mates” and “destiny” crept into my subtle sentiment. Here I, conjuring a nervous idea of a portrait of a happily ever after. My bad because I don’t think he feels the same. How could he possibly be in love with me if he only sees me as a friend?

It was my birthday the following day and I was upset when I figured out that he totally forgot it. I also don’t have any plans to remind him. After all, there are many people who remembered my special day and that was enough for me.

TICK, TOCK, TICK.

12 Midnight. This is it. The day when I took my first breath. Greetings flooded my phone and I was flattered and happy reading those. I was hoping to find his name but nothing popped out until my phone rang with an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Happy birthday. It’s freaking me out to act like I don’t remember your special day and I've got something important to tell you later but for now, close your pretty eyes my dear. Good night. I love you.”

“Toot toot...”

Was that for real? Did he actually said that? I felt like I was under some sort of spell. It was magical. I looked at the clock wishing that its hands would run faster. This excitement is eating me.

“Happy birthday my sunshine...”

A clear, relaxing voice whispered to my ear. When I turned around to see who was that, I was shocked and happy to see that it’s him. Then we went to a silent but soothing area in our school.  From that minute, he’s been acting like a paranormal and began talking.

“I've been really having a hard time waking up in the morning before but surprisingly, it’s crazy because it became my favorite act. Maybe because I have this feeling that I already spotted the reason why I should do so, that I've already found the person worth waking up for. Honestly, I’m a guy who doesn't believe in fairy tales and stuff like enchantments. Love stories always end up inauspiciously and happy endings are nothing but rotten thoughts of a simply crazy fellow. These are bunch of lies created to make people believe the possibility of reaching the boundary beyond eternity. Well, I've experienced nothing  anyway but call me stupid, call me insane ‘coz when you came along, you proved me wrong. I just don’t know but when it comes to you, all my scientific explanations and theory-like convictions seem to shrink out. All my life, I've always thought that being the only character in my story would mean a whole lot happier. But this strong feeling told me that something’s missing. The first time I saw you, I knew I found the answer. I’m sure that these pages of my story would be complete with your role in it. Now if I ask you, are you willing to write with me my script and fill the empty pages of my story?”

Everything froze for a moment. Sublimity took place. It’s like I’m standing in the midst of dissolving illusory and freezing reality.

“I’m going to be your light in the gloomiest hour, I’ll wear the smile you had put on me, I’ll hold your heart just like what you’re doing to mine, I’ll be the light as you flip the pages of your story and I’m willing to hold your hand as you complete your journey but will you wait for that time when I’ll be able to do all of these?Are you willing to live your happily ever after with me? Will you wait for me? I don’t know how long and I know it will be hard.”

I can’t understand. I waver between delight and dismay and end up finding myself altogether embroiled in confusion. I can’t find the right words to make him understand why I can’t pin a commitment between us. He’s special and I’m sure that with his absence, he’ll take away a bit of my life. There’s something stopping me. It’s holding me back and taking over me.

“Forever is the shortest duration I know. If it will take a whole life time then I’ll spend the whole eternity waiting for you.”

Time loped hastily  but there was never a moment that he failed to show me that all of the splendid things and novel-like stories could be an infallible bliss. Magic wands, fairy dust, pumpkins, white horses, boiling pots, potions and princes really was a reality. The land of make-believe I usually dream about when I was a kid wasn’t just a caricature of an abyss hallucination but a plot of endless tales scribbled inside life’s booklet. We’re designing our own kingdom, making every moment a fairy tale. With his side, I’ve got everything more than I ever want. Because of him, I found my missing piece. Susceptible enough to contemplate on these truths, I’ve decided to gave him my answer. I will allow Mr. Commitment to let our hearts intertwine.

TICK, TOCK, TICK

12 Midnight.

I reached out for my phone to call him but before I can do it, he texted me and told me to go out. He’s outside at this very minute. With all the curiosity, I did so.

But every plan I built collapsed dreadfully. It turned nothing but vapors of frail hope.  As I was about to tell him the good news, he told me his goodbye without giving me any reasons. I couldn’t speak. All the words are twisted. I can feel my heart crashing, my soul being fractured by grief. He left me like a trash, insensitive enough not to care. I know our paths will be declining. Upon seeing him walk away from me, the whirlpool of emotions I'm concealing break open. I want to chase him, stop him from leaving but the eagerness I have inside weaken me knowing that even if I'll be chasing him forever, the distance he created between our lives would separate us even farther. I won’t stay here for a lifetime, it’s pointless. It’s beyond tragic. What happened to his promises? How about our fairy tale? What about my envision of our happy ending? Just like Cinderella leaving his prince, he abandoned me without leaving any trace.

Under the moonlight kisses and piercing tears, I bade everything goodbye.

It took a very long time to recover from that misery. That was hell and although I know I’m over it, there will always be this so-called remembrance inculcated  in my heart. I grew to be a stronger person than before. My suitcase that was filled of elusive and bubbly imagination was replaced with thoughts that are more real than reality.

Along with all these wonderful happenings came forth the guy I know that was for me. He has the character and matches my every simple qualification. I’m not looking for a prince charming anymore, I’m looking for a real guy who will eventually treat me as the only girl in his life. He has been with me through every edge and walked with me through every thorn. I know I can’t afford to let him go. Although at some points, the shadow of my previous love story overcasts its tragedy on me, I won’t let it sink in through me.

It was on my 25th birthday when I was finally engaged. I’ll be walking the aisle in less than three months and I’m overwhelmingly in love with that concept.

Without noticing how time swiftly rushed, everything was perfectly ready for the breathtaking event tomorrow.

2:27. In three minutes, I’ll go out of this car and make my seemingly possible  fairy tale a living entity on this land. My heart will take its pledge and finally be one with its other half.

I can hear the sweet melody enveloping the place and I was walking down the aisle, tears are slowly emerging. Piercing tears are now falling. With everybody looking at me, I can’t help but pretend that I’m really doing just fine. I’m trying to lock the truth by my smiles. I can hardly breathe. Everything, every speck, every flash back, every promise and every memory that happened before came haunting me once again. As I was approaching the altar, I can feel every fiber of me submerging in a colossal torment. I tried to hold back the hundreds of stabbing  emotions slaughtering me as my groom took my hand. Seeking for comfort and a safe sanctuary, I look at his eyes but to my dismay, nothing happened, nothing changed.

Facing the altar, I can’t help but scream in silence. I can’t do anything but shut all my anxieties inside. 

Those eyes that I’ve used to lay into mine before, eyes that I’ve seen my visions of forever. That voice that always manages to relieve my worries, voice that whispered to me his promises. My disgusting seatmate. My fake prince charming is standing before me, speaking before us. I can clearly see his oppressed and guilty eyes and even without words, I know magic has once again came in. But it’s too late, really late to continue our heartbreaking and catastrophic fairy tale ‘coz  just like all the other love stories, we ended up tragically.

We can’t do anything but stare and look deeply into each other as he said

“I now pronounce you man and wife...”

                As his tears fell...

“You may now kiss the bride...”

And so did mine.